Update and Many Musings

I've seen and read everyone's wall posts! I'm so glad I have you as friends (and not just as Facebook friends. Sorry I haven't gotten back to you.)

I'm fine. I'm in Chiang Mai, Thailand right now for my organization's annual conference. It's called ATC (Annual Thailand Conference).  I return to Hanoi in a few days (Feb 6) and begin the second semester of teaching the following Monday (Feb 9).

The Conference is really good! Good speakers, fellowship, singing and all that. Of course like most conferences and retreats, it suffers from the too-much-to-do problem. Thus, I've found it difficult to find the time to get refreshed and blessed and ready for the next semester (why I'm here) and to respond to everyone.

Last night began the Sabbath part of the conference. It's four days with way, way less to do than during the "business days". I'll admit that I didn't do a great job of relaxing and getting away from people so I could rest and be with our Father. After our normal, Sunday morning fellowship time and lunch, I took a three-hour nap. So, that was a good rest, I guess. This evening I went on a night safari. I'll get pictures up eventually (I always think that. It's hard to find a place with decent enough upload speed to get all my pictures up.) Basically, it was Jurassic Park without the Dinosaurs (they even talked about incubating the crocodile eggs at a certain temperature in order to insure they were the correct sex).

Right now I'm sitting in McDonald's (as you may have seen from my Facebook status updates). The internet is really overpriced in our hotel, so I come here.

Ok, ok, enough with the details. The following is a disorganized, bubbling up of stuff I've been thinking about:

What to do Next Year?

I don't know what I want to do next year. The only thing I know for sure is that (as far as it depends on me) I'm going to be home for the summer and my Brother's wedding in the beginning of September. After that, I'm not sure what to do. I don't know what I want to do or what I should do (not necessarily different questions).

I suppose this is just an excellent example of option overload. When you can do almost anything, it's difficult to choose. And I must choose. Of course I should ask for His wisdom and guidance, (more than I have been) but in the end, on the human level, I'm the one who does the choosing.



I'll be honest. I'm kind of embarrassed by the fact that I'm not sure what to do. I wish I could be one of those people who's got it all together and knows what he's doing with his life. But I don't. I confess.

How am I doing?/ What am I Thinking About?
I'm trying to embrace my identity in Him. Last night it hit me so hard. I'd been asking for that for a little while and wishing for it for a long time. I want to feel his love and not just know that it is there. I want to feel forgiven and pleasing to Him and... precious. I realize that I've bought some seriously bad lies from the Accuser. Here are some ideas that I've been toying with that I believe directly contradict the lies he's been feeding me:

1. Unworthiness does not equal worthlessness.
    We are made by Him. We bear His image in essence and we have it again as redeemed people in Him. "... you were not ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold. but with the precious blood of [the Anointed One], like that of a lamb without blemish or spot." Apparently, we are worth quite a bit to Him.

2. He loves me, not just His Son in me.
    I'd managed to construct a theology in my mind that so analyzed (which means to examine things by dividing things into separate, smaller parts) the Good News that I was convinced that since I still had a fallen nature (although I was redeemed), that our Father must only love the redeemed, new part of me. But it struck me, "For while we were still weak, at the right time [the Son] died for the ungodly. ... [The Father] SHOWS HIS LOVE FOR US in that while we were still sinners, [the Anointed One] died for us. According to this, it was His love for us, AS WE WERE, that led Him to send His Son.

And, "For you have died, and your life is hidden with [the Anointed One] in [the Father]. When [the Anointed One] who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."

And, "I have been crucified with [the Anointed One]. It is no longer I who live, but [the Anointed One] who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of [The Father], who loved me and gave himself for me.

So, strictly speaking, (aside from the fact that it's clear that His love for us led Him to send the Son... as in that famous verse from John...) the question of whether He loves me or just His Son is me, is simply absurd. There is no difference in Reality. The Truth of the matter is His opinion. The practicalities of this world which we see, and hear, and feel, and experience--these things that we think are the "actual facts of the matter" as opposed to the "theoretical" or "technically" true things are themselves only wispy shadows and approximations of the Truth and Reality in Him in the skies.

Look back to the passage from the letter to those in Colossae: What is the "For" and the following words explaining? "For you have died, and your life is hidden with [the Anointed One] in [the Father]" is the rationale for his urging just before it, when he says,

"If then you have been raised with [the Anointed One], seek the things that are above, where [the Anointed One] is, seated at the right hand of [the Father]. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth."

In other words, 'This is the Reality that really matters.'

In his letters, Paul addresses the believers as "saints", because despite the apparent sinfulness, they are perfect and holy according to their and our Father. Anyway, it's good stuff. I'm going to continue working through these things.



Requests/Thanks
 
I thank you for supporting me before His throne. Please continue. I can't do it without Him.

I'd like to ask you to lift up my team leaders, David and Nancy Farnum too. We found out over the past few weeks that my team leaders (a couple in their 50s) needed to leave Vietnam and go back to the States for at least Spring and Summer. Nancy has stage 1 or 2 breast cancer and will be undergoing chemo and radiation therapy. They just arrived back in the US either today or yesterday, I guess, depending on which time zones your talking about.

We have already been provided with a new team leader, who I can tell you more about when I meet her. What I know now is that her name is Becky, and she is in her mid-30s. She has led several other teams just like ours in China, though not in Vietnam. Please ask that our new team member would be able to adjust well and that our newly-configured team would work well together and have a greater impact than the sum of its parts.

Ok, I've already written too much. Congratulations to those who read the entire post! I miss you and am looking forward to seeing and fellowshipping with you.